My quietness can be explained.
If the last year, around the same time, I have decided to take a break from social media, the break that lasted for over six months, this year, I was not planning on staying mute for weeks. Yet, the series of unpredictable events often suggest their own scenario, and all one can do is step back, take a break and reconsider the further steps. While I sit tonight alone in my kitchen, surrounded by birthday flowers, I think of the last few events and how much they altered my idea of celebrating this day, wishing for a peaceful, quiet atmosphere. The fact that since November started (and don’t even let me mention everything that happened since March,) the month was full of events that shook off my established routine. Counting such news as a loss of a dearly loved aunt back in Russia, that continued with a disastrous car crash, I must admit that all I needed today on my birthday was the reassurance that wonderful moments still happen in the middle of unexpected, disturbing, heart-breaking acts. And, I say, they do happen, indeed.
While my mind is still terrified to touch a steering wheel, and my heart joins in condolences to everyone who loved my aunt, I had the most delightful day in a long time. My husband and I spent hours wandering around the city, drinking coffee and indulging in conversation, later stopping for an extended lunch that seemed exceedingly full of agreeable, pleasureful food and the most darling company I could wish for. Spending such a desirably yet unexpectedly quiet birthday made me think of one vital point, and that is genuine content. Furthermore, I do not wish to say those loud celebrations and material goods as a pile of gifts have something to do with discontent. Yet, I thought of how comforting to me was the day of little simple pleasures. Once I already wrote here that content comes from the condition of the heart. And, while it certainly does, I also believe that some outer support, places and people that provide merry emotions encourage the development of high spirits, with one condition: it should align with the inner demand.
Another point that resonates with a state of contentment and that I wish to leave here, more as a reminder to myself, is the one that I, as a mortal human being, know nothing of God’s plans. Yet, my immortal soul relies on His will and can only propose the idea that unfortunate, at the first glance, events, that circumstances that follow, have something much more blessed ahead, something that I can only observe when I will be allowed to glare at the big picture of my path. With such thoughts, I must retire to the bed. My family-in-law is coming over for dinner tomorrow, and yes, that celebration must be much louder, brighter than this Saturday was, yet how could I object to this day when all my whole existence required was a thoughtful, leisurely date spent with my loved one?